Teeth! And teething necklaces...

So, I'm super excited; yesterday Avi's first two teeth started to poke through her gums! She's been teething, at least a little, on and off, since she was about 8 weeks old, but it's gotten much more serious the last couple of weeks, and yesterday the very tips of her lower incisors started to poke through!

Teething so far hasn't been too hard on my baby. She gets the hot rosy cheeks, drools like a faucet, gets some red patches under her diaper (I wouldn't really call it a rash, but there are some irritated looking spots). She is perhaps, mildly more irritable, but she's such a happy and easy going baby that its hard to tell. All in all, I wouldn't say is causing her a lot of pain or distress. That may change as she gets more teeth, but for now I'm not too concerned.

In my husband's family amber teething necklaces area big thing. His sister used them on both her kids (her daughter still wears hers, at 18 months old), and his cousin's wife, who is a doula, gives them to all the new babies in the family. (If you're not familiar with what a doula is, they're a sort of birth coach; quite handy during labor, actually). Everyone in the family swears by these necklaces, says they're the best things and work amazingly. Except me.


If you're not familiar with amber teething necklaces, here is the basics: baby sized necklaces, made of baltic amber, which are said to help soothe the pain of teething. Baltic amber contains succinic acid, and when the amber beads come in contact with the skin, supposedly the succinic acid is absorbed by the skin and has an analgesic effect. For safety, there is a special clasp that the baby cannot undo, but will break if it gets caught, and each bead is individually knotted, so if the string breaks only one will come loose. The necklaces generally look like this:

Note the screw-clasp and individually knotted beads

I received one shortly after Avi was born just like everyone else in the family. I was told to put it on at the first sign of teething and never take it off until she outgrew it. This immediately raised some red flags. She was even supposed to wear it to bed? Was that safe? How was it supposed to work?

I didn't mention that I had seen a poster in the health nurses' office that had warned against exactly this thing. Strangulation danger, it said, not recommended. And I especially didn't mention that I had every intention of following that poster's advice.  I don't want to offend anyone; I sometimes feel like I walk a very thin line with my in-laws.

So I did what any sensible person my age would do; I consulted the internet. Now, obviously the internet abounds with false information, and one must be very careful about who to trust. I was specifically looking for evidence of the effectiveness of the necklaces, and any incidences of actual injury or death caused by one of these necklaces.

A brief google search did not return any incidences of children dying from these necklaces, thank goodness, but there was one of a child whose necklace had become twisted around her neck and arm (you can read it here).

Something else that I didn't find was any solid evidence that the necklaces actually do what they're supposed to. Tons of anecdotal evidence, but nothing solid and scientific. One site, Science or Not? had an excellent breakdown of why the necklaces don't work. Firstly, succinic acid doesn't melt at body temperature. Secondly, there is no evidence to suggest that succinic acid has any sort of pain relieving effect. In large doses, it is considered an eye and skin irritant.

I also believe that if anything were being "excreted" from these beads, there would a) be some evidence of it on the skin (color,oily feeling, etc), and b) the beads would eventually wear away or dissolve, and they don't, as far as I know.

So, to sum it all up: no real evidence to suggest that the necklaces actually do anything, and a potential strangulation/choking hazard. This was a real easy decision for me; that thing is not going anywhere near my baby.

But, any time teeth or teething are mentioned in conversation with my mother-in-law, she asks me why Avi doesn't wear her necklace. So far, I haven't had the courage to stand up and say why. I lie, and say I can't find it. Because if I say I don't believe they actually work, I'll get an onslaught of stories about how well they have worked for her daughter and the other cousins' children. If I say I think they're dangerous, I'm also saying that I believe her daughter and all the other cousins are endangering their children. A very tough spot to be in.

However, this is the internet, and there's a level of anonymity here that doesn't often exist in the rest of the world.  So I can tell you, dear reader: I believe that teething necklaces are not only useless, but pose an inherent danger to children who wear them. You can disagree with me if you like; I have explained my reasoning. I am somewhat ashamed that  don't have the courage to tell my family that these things are dangerous, and if anything were to happen to one of their children because of one of these things and I didn't say anything, I would feel terrible.

So, if you're reading this and haven't made up your mind about teething necklaces, I urge you to stay away from them. Even if no babies have died from one yet, there's a first time for everything, and it is a very real possibility.

Best wishes

README

Let sleeping babies lie...

So, I'm currently stuck sitting on my couch, with a napping baby sitting in my lap. I don't like to let her fall asleep on me; I don't want her to get dependant on me being near for her to be able to fall asleep. But she's been so tired this morning, and just cries and cries when I put her down. I thought maybe she was hungry, and she drank the first half of the bottle quite readily... and then passed out cold. So here we are.

Sleep is one of the hardest things with my dear baby. She's been sleeping in her crib in her own room (instead of a bassinet in our room) for just over a week now, and that has been going great. She falls asleep almost immediately after I put her down, and sleeps for 5-6 hour stretches. But naps are harder. There's still light, and activity going on around her, and so she fights and fights to stay awake and stay involved in what's going on. She wants to be included, doesn't want to miss out. Even something as mundane as cleaning the kitchen seems vastly interesting to her.

So, I let her sleep on my lap this morning. She's just woken up now, and seems quite happy, so I think we'll get up and get motivated.

Roots of Empathy

Today was a Roots of empathy visit day for baby and I. Roots of empathy is a program that aims to teach children empathy and emotional literacy, using a baby as the "teacher". (For more information, check out www.rootsofempathy.org ). It's really cool program, I'm quite enjoying it, and baby seems to be as well. 

Basically, we visit a classroom once a month or so; our particular class is grade three. The children sing a greeting song, and baby and I go around the circle and each child gets about 3 seconds of one on one with baby; usually they rub her foot and smile at her. Being her cheerful little self, she usually smiles right back. Then everybody sits down on the floor around the Green Blanket. The children discuss what new things they notice about baby; this week they commented on how much her hair has grown, as well as how she seems to have gotten bigger (certain visits we weigh and measure her too). Baby gets put down on the Blanket, to do whatever she pleases, and the children watch. There is a roots of empathy educator there too; our is named Kathy. She helps lead the children through the day's theme by asking them questions and making suggestions. 

For example, I was asked what sort of new things Avi has started doing since our last visit. The biggest one is lifting herself up on her arms. So we put her face down on the Blanket to see if she would do it. She immediately rolled onto her back. So, Kathy asks the children why they think she might have done that. There's a few different answers, but most lean towards the same idea; she doesn't want to be on her tummy. So we try again, and she immediately flips back onto her back. So, Kathy asks the children "is she telling us she doesn't want to be on her tummy?", and of course the children answer yes. Because babies this age  are non-verbal, (well, not in an understandable way), the children learn to interpret her feelings based on her actions and body language. This helps them to interpret non-verbal cues from others later (this is how I understand it, at least).

So, we continued on with the themes for the day, talking about preparedness by going through my diaper bag to see all the things I need to carry around in case baby might need them (I was warned in advance that this was going to happen, so I made sure I had everything). We also talked about teething; how I could tell baby was teething, what the signs are, how baby might be feeling (sad, in pain, etc), and what were some ways I might comfort her. All the while, baby is rolling about on the Blanket and "talking" away to all the children. Kathy and the teacher had a hard time keeping them calm, they were so excited by it. We moved her to the farther end of the Blanket so she could visit with those children too, and she rolled around by them as well. She was a very mobile baby today! When our time is up, we go around the circle to each child again as they sing the goodbye song. 

One of the things I like about roots of empathy is that the children's questions and suggestions are alway treated as valid, and not just dismissed, even if they seem silly. Even a suggestion of something that might harm the baby not "punished"; instead, the ROE educator will ask "what do you think would happen?", and help the child to see the possible negative consequences of such an action. The children never need to feel nervous or embarrassed about asking questions  or making comments. This really strikes home with me because during my entire school career I was afraid to offer answers when the teacher asked, even if I knew the answer, because I was so scared I'd be wrong and embarrass myself. 

Kathy also showed me today a book the children had made, about Why Babies Cry. Each child had a page, where they had written their answer and drawn a picture. By far the most common reason given was a dirty diaper, but there were also: injury, hunger, loneliness, tiredness, nightmares, and others. It was cool to see that they were thinking about the reasons behind behaviours, not just the behaviours themselves. I think this is a big part of what the program is about; putting yourself in others' shoes (hence the name, Roots of Empathy). 

After the classroom visit, we had lunch and did a little  Christmas shopping with my mum, met dad at Costco, then went home. I finally convinced baby to take a nap, albeit by cuddling her until she went to sleep (so much for sleep training...). Then dinner, a bath for baby, and off to bed. Now I'm snuggling with my dogs before I too, head off to sleep.

Best wishes

P.S. Did I mention we dressed baby in a Santa suit and hat for her visit today? So cute! The kids loved it.

A small step for baby, but a giant leap for mum...

Guess who slept in her own bedroom last night! Yup, it was Avi. I too, spent the night in my own bedroom (with the husband and the dogs of course), but I didn't get much sleep. Spent most of the night checking the video monitor. Anxious? Me? Not at all...

So, at five months and one week of age, my little one begins her first big step towards "independence". (Yes, I realize that she'll rely on me and my husband completely for many months yet, and in some way, shape, or form for years to come, but sleeping in her own room is such a big step!) I know that it is recommended that babies sleep in your room for at least the first six months, if not longer, but I feel that her bassinet may no longer be the safest place for her...

The bassinet is kind of traditional in my family. It's a large basket, a little higher at one end than the other, and is probably a good 60 years old. My grandparents received when they purchased a car back in the 1960's. The wife of the man selling the car noticed that my grandmother was pregnant, and added the bassinet as part of the deal. (She and her husband had used it for their children, but were done with it now, and wanted it to go to good use). My grandfather built a stand for it, and voila, instant baby bed. I don't believe that my mother slept in it; I think it was my aunt, her younger sister, that was the then baby-to-be, but my grandmother held onto it for when her own daughters had babies. So, when I came along (I'm the first born grandchild), my mother sewed a liner/cover for it, and it became my bed. Then, a few years later, my brother's. My aunt never had any children, so the bassinet went back to grandma, but when they moved from their farm a few years back she gave it to my mother, for any future grand babies. 

So, of course I wanted my baby to sleep in it too. But the mattress that came with the basket had long since fallen apart, and would likely have fallen short of today's safety standards. However, it's basically a custom size, so what to do to keep baby safest? In the end, we got the closest size bassinet mattress we could find, and trimmed it down. Most bassinet mattresses, at least that we found, are a piece of fairly hard foam with a waterproof covering on them. It was easy enough to trim down the foam,but the covering gave it extra rigidity, and it is my understanding that the hardness of the mattress is what prevents the baby from smothering if they should end up face down. So, to keep what was left of the cover in place, we duct taped it. And it has worked quite well so far. The mattress sits inside an old pillowcase, with a receiving blanket stretched over top and tucked around the sides, and everything stays neatly in place. At least, it has been. But, baby is getting bigger, and stronger, and has now decided she wants to roll to her side or her belly to sleep, instead of staying on her back where I put her. The modifications to the mattress, coupled with the fact that the basket is not fixed to the stand, and could, in theory, fall off with her added movements, has made me decide its time for her to sleep in her crib.

So, after her last feeding, we went to her bedroom and read her story in the rocking chair (which had belonged to my husband's mother), and then put her in her crib to sleep. She cried a little longer than usual, and needed a little more soothing, but fell asleep in a relatively short time, and stayed that way until it was time for more food (she is still getting up once or twice at night to eat). Once she had finished her formula, she went back to her crib, and promptly fell back asleep, both times we got up. In the morning when she woke up, she lay in her crib, waving her arms and kicking her feet and just generally being her merry little self until I went down and got her. And I know what she was doing because I was watching on the video monitor. Actually, I was watching it for a good portion of the night, and consequently didn't sleep very well.

Hopefully my anxiety calms down a little more tonight, and I can get some better sleep. I think my little one will manage just fine.

Best wishes

Bedtime woes

So, at just over five months, my baby had her worst night in her life so far. She was so tired, she could not sleep. This may sound a little odd if you haven't experienced it, but I will explain.

First, Avi is a pretty good sleeper. We have our little bedtime routine, then she  fusses and carries on for ten minutes or so, then generally falls asleep. Doesn't work perfectly every night, but most nights are pretty good, and we seldom have any real trouble.

Not this night.

The problem was two-fold. One, it was the first night we tried to put her to bed in her crib in her bedroom, instead of her bassinet in our room. Two, we had visitors, namely my in-laws and some of my husband's cousins. In hindsight, it wasn't a good night to try her in her room for the first time, but she'd flipped herself over to sleep on her tummy for the first time the previous night, and I'm apprehensive about the bassinet mattress. (Her bassinet is a big basket, nearly 60 years old, and it was impossible to find a mattress that fit it, the original having been discarded after my brother and I were babies. So we got the closest size we could find, and cut it down. Unfortunately this meant we had to put duct tape around the edges to keep the waterproof top and bottom layers in place... fine while she's sleeping on her back, but on her front? I just don't know.)

Now, she's spent some time in her crib, even had a few naps there, so it's not like it's a totally new place. We try to spend some time there everyday, even for just a few minutes, to help with the transition. So when it came time to put her to bed, it was a little different, but not an entirely strange place. She fights sleep, fights it hard, my little girl does, and wakes easily if you try and move her. This means wherever you want her to sleep, she needs to be there before she falls asleep, and because she fights, there is inevitable a bit of fussing and carrying  on before she finally lets herself fall asleep. Don't get me wrong; I'm not letting her cry and cry until she passes out from sheer exhaustion. The second she starts to get panicky or hysterical I'm there to soothe her. But she does cry and is a little sad for a few minutes while she falls asleep.  This is where the second problem comes in, and it's a big one:

My mother-in-law was over, and doesn't believe in letting babies "cry it out". She is a firm believer in rocking them to sleep and then placing them in their bed. And she's not the type of person who is good at keeping her opinions to herself. So, as much as I tried to explain that as soon as you try to move the baby she wakes up again, any time the baby made a peep she would go immediately to baby's room and pick her up. She'd rock her back to sleep in the chair, and put her back in her crib, and within thirty seconds baby was awake and screaming again. I'd have baby mostly soothed, lying in her crib; still fussing but not really upset, and in she would come, insisting that the baby needed to be held and rocked to sleep, and picking her up and doing so.

This went on for nearly three hours.

After everyone had finally left, the husband and I abondened all hope of getting baby to sleep in her crib, and brought her back to the bassinet in our room. But by this point, she's started to work herself up and is having trouble staying calm. The late hour is beginning to take its toll. For another hour we tried to soothe her, feed her, let her cry a little bit, anything to get her to fall asleep, but she got more and more hysterical as the night went on. Finally we hit a breaking point. I banished my husband and the dogs (all heavy sleepers, fond of cuddling) to the downstairs guest bedroom, tied back my hair, turned on the light so I wouldn't sleep too deeply, and did something I swore I'd never do: I brought the baby into my bed to sleep.

Now, she comes in our bed for snuggles all the time, but this is when we're fully awake. The blankets get rolled down and the pillows get pushed up so there's nothing too soft for her to smother herself on. She's never come to bed for the sole purpose of sleeping before. Even then, with me holding her and rocking her and humming lullabies, everything in my baby soothing toolkit, she still screamed and sobbed for another half an hour before she finally drifted off to sleep. She was so tired, so upset, that she could not calm down enough to sleep. This is what I mean by "too tired to sleep". I have never seen my daughter so hysterical, not even when she was getting vaccine injections. My heart aches just thinking about it. Even three hours later when she woke for her middle-of-the-night feeding, she couldn't go back to her bassinet to sleep; the second I tried to put her down she started to panic. So, back to bed she came.

Needless to say, it was a rather terrible night for all of us, and the next day I was dragging my butt. Tonight is the second night since, and she's still not 100% caught up on her sleep. She had three lengthy naps today (quite unusual for her) and when  her 8:00 bedtime rolled around she was getting quite cranky. We had to go through our bedtime routine a second time to get her fully calmed down. However, after five minutes or so of complaining she nodded off to sleep and seems to be sleeping soundly.

My point, I suppose, after all this long rambling, it this:

You probably know your baby better than anyone. Babies are all different, and even the similarities they might have with one or both parents only go so far. What worked for one baby, even for you or the baby's other parent, may not work for this baby. "Secrets" and "tricks" for this thing or that can be great, but if you have something that works for you and your baby, stick with it! Don't go changing it just because someone tries to tell you their way is better. And for heaven's sake, stick up for yourself, and for your baby! Someone may have the best intentions, but as they say, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.  You know your baby best, and don't let anyone bully you into something else. I did, and I regret it. The next day, after hearing of our horrible night, my mother-in-law did apologize, but still won't admit that she was wrong. If I had stuck to my guns and told her to let the baby alone, the whole catastrophic incident may have been avoided. I regret that I didn't; my poor baby had probably the worst night of her life so far because I was trying to avoid conflict.  Sometimes it's just not worth it.

Well, that's my rant for today. I hope you gain some insight from it.

Best wishes!