So, at just over five months, my baby had her worst night in her life so far. She was so tired, she could not sleep. This may sound a little odd if you haven't experienced it, but I will explain.
First, Avi is a pretty good sleeper. We have our little bedtime routine, then she fusses and carries on for ten minutes or so, then generally falls asleep. Doesn't work perfectly every night, but most nights are pretty good, and we seldom have any real trouble.
Not this night.
The problem was two-fold. One, it was the first night we tried to put her to bed in her crib in her bedroom, instead of her bassinet in our room. Two, we had visitors, namely my in-laws and some of my husband's cousins. In hindsight, it wasn't a good night to try her in her room for the first time, but she'd flipped herself over to sleep on her tummy for the first time the previous night, and I'm apprehensive about the bassinet mattress. (Her bassinet is a big basket, nearly 60 years old, and it was impossible to find a mattress that fit it, the original having been discarded after my brother and I were babies. So we got the closest size we could find, and cut it down. Unfortunately this meant we had to put duct tape around the edges to keep the waterproof top and bottom layers in place... fine while she's sleeping on her back, but on her front? I just don't know.)
Now, she's spent some time in her crib, even had a few naps there, so it's not like it's a totally new place. We try to spend some time there everyday, even for just a few minutes, to help with the transition. So when it came time to put her to bed, it was a little different, but not an entirely strange place. She fights sleep, fights it hard, my little girl does, and wakes easily if you try and move her. This means wherever you want her to sleep, she needs to be there before she falls asleep, and because she fights, there is inevitable a bit of fussing and carrying on before she finally lets herself fall asleep. Don't get me wrong; I'm not letting her cry and cry until she passes out from sheer exhaustion. The second she starts to get panicky or hysterical I'm there to soothe her. But she does cry and is a little sad for a few minutes while she falls asleep. This is where the second problem comes in, and it's a big one:
My mother-in-law was over, and doesn't believe in letting babies "cry it out". She is a firm believer in rocking them to sleep and then placing them in their bed. And she's not the type of person who is good at keeping her opinions to herself. So, as much as I tried to explain that as soon as you try to move the baby she wakes up again, any time the baby made a peep she would go immediately to baby's room and pick her up. She'd rock her back to sleep in the chair, and put her back in her crib, and within thirty seconds baby was awake and screaming again. I'd have baby mostly soothed, lying in her crib; still fussing but not really upset, and in she would come, insisting that the baby needed to be held and rocked to sleep, and picking her up and doing so.
This went on for nearly three hours.
After everyone had finally left, the husband and I abondened all hope of getting baby to sleep in her crib, and brought her back to the bassinet in our room. But by this point, she's started to work herself up and is having trouble staying calm. The late hour is beginning to take its toll. For another hour we tried to soothe her, feed her, let her cry a little bit, anything to get her to fall asleep, but she got more and more hysterical as the night went on. Finally we hit a breaking point. I banished my husband and the dogs (all heavy sleepers, fond of cuddling) to the downstairs guest bedroom, tied back my hair, turned on the light so I wouldn't sleep too deeply, and did something I swore I'd never do: I brought the baby into my bed to sleep.
Now, she comes in our bed for snuggles all the time, but this is when we're fully awake. The blankets get rolled down and the pillows get pushed up so there's nothing too soft for her to smother herself on. She's never come to bed for the sole purpose of sleeping before. Even then, with me holding her and rocking her and humming lullabies, everything in my baby soothing toolkit, she still screamed and sobbed for another half an hour before she finally drifted off to sleep. She was so tired, so upset, that she could not calm down enough to sleep. This is what I mean by "too tired to sleep". I have never seen my daughter so hysterical, not even when she was getting vaccine injections. My heart aches just thinking about it. Even three hours later when she woke for her middle-of-the-night feeding, she couldn't go back to her bassinet to sleep; the second I tried to put her down she started to panic. So, back to bed she came.
Needless to say, it was a rather terrible night for all of us, and the next day I was dragging my butt. Tonight is the second night since, and she's still not 100% caught up on her sleep. She had three lengthy naps today (quite unusual for her) and when her 8:00 bedtime rolled around she was getting quite cranky. We had to go through our bedtime routine a second time to get her fully calmed down. However, after five minutes or so of complaining she nodded off to sleep and seems to be sleeping soundly.
My point, I suppose, after all this long rambling, it this:
You probably know your baby better than anyone. Babies are all different, and even the similarities they might have with one or both parents only go so far. What worked for one baby, even for you or the baby's other parent, may not work for this baby. "Secrets" and "tricks" for this thing or that can be great, but if you have something that works for you and your baby, stick with it! Don't go changing it just because someone tries to tell you their way is better. And for heaven's sake, stick up for yourself, and for your baby! Someone may have the best intentions, but as they say, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. You know your baby best, and don't let anyone bully you into something else. I did, and I regret it. The next day, after hearing of our horrible night, my mother-in-law did apologize, but still won't admit that she was wrong. If I had stuck to my guns and told her to let the baby alone, the whole catastrophic incident may have been avoided. I regret that I didn't; my poor baby had probably the worst night of her life so far because I was trying to avoid conflict. Sometimes it's just not worth it.
Well, that's my rant for today. I hope you gain some insight from it.
Best wishes!
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